she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
