I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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