This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
