Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
