I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
