batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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