I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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