I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
