don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
