Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
my poor anus
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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