I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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