she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
