Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
