dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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