just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
