hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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