i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
