I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
