it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
