his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
