Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
