So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
