There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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