Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
