Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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