2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
