Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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