I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
