So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
