i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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