I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
