Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
