I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
