So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
