at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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