Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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