apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
