The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
