I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
