I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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