there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
