The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
