Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
