Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT