what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that