Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
