Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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