Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
