you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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