I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
