So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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