Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
