Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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