i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
