Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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