even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
