I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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