My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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