So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
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The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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