We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
