Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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