Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
